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Location: Aotearoa, New Zealand

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Things Males Should Know About Pick-Up Lines

This is a SHIT one:
  • "So, you're pretty tall. How tall are you? Like, six foot?"

And so is this:
  • "Can I just check first that the age range here is 28 to 35 years?"

This one here, also, SHIT:
  • "Come here often?"
Yup, also one of the biggest all time cliches - and in this case, also a tad freakin redundant when the aforementioned girl is wearing a long-sleeved dark blue 50s style dress in a club where every other female is wearing a backless halter-neck made from tin-foil and pants made from boy-leg undies.

Wanna know what else is SHIT?

Ok - well, I'm gonna tell you anyway.

  • Asking her what she did the night before, to get the conversation started. Her describing a movie she saw and enjoyed. Mentioning that the themes were similar to a comic book she's reading at the moment, which tied in nicely. Him then deciding to dominate the conversation from there on in, regaling her with tales of his script that is currently in progress, how is sounds quite similar to those two things, but is in a different setting, how no one else is writing anything like it at the moment, and how she will definitely like it because its really good.

  • Saying "oh" in response to her answering "what do you do?" but then when the same question is asked of him, not only detailing his current role, but name-dropping the title of a recent publication he's been included in and recommending she purchase it.

I'd love to hear any further contributions to this list... the Comments door is flung wide open.

And, yes yes, I know ladies bust out some SHIT moves at times too - earlier this year I was preyed upon at a party by a charming blonde (and by charming, I mean possibly insane), who seemed to think that pinching my arse and staring at me with laser eyes was going to equal seduction.

There's this whole "Man Drought" being played out in the media at the moment, and I realise the statistics are there, but the whole thing still rankles me. The Listener cover a few months ago 'Mr Good Enough' had me spitting tacks.

I wonder if we have a new breed coming through now that have the mentality of 'spoilt for choice' and therefore 'can act like a prat'. Or is it just a basic (lack of) social skills thing?

And can I just say, half the rest why these fantastic examples here today come across as so SHIT is because a lot of the guys I've met are actual fantastic. Capable of being inside a bar, at party, whatevs and maintaining a lucid conversation - SIMULTANEOUSLY. Props to them.

PS: am also interested to know if the "Man Drought" is NZ-specific, or if its being talked about in other countries, in relation to their population gender split etc? Chur!


Blogger Lou said...

No man drought here that I'm aware of. In fact, I was at a party the other day where there were about 6 females and at least 25 males. Except of course that lead to a real jerkaholic fest which resulted in me having to handcuff two of them to each other.

Anyway - a recent like I enjoyed (that did actually work coz I was bored and hadn't pashed anyone for ages and he was quite hot in a hilarious chavvish kind of way - by which I mean it was sociological interest on my part): 'so are you going to kiss me or what?'

Or I loved the blind date I had with a wanna-be screenwriter wanna-be movie star (perhaps it was the same one??? What was your one's name Bel?) who bored me to death by talking about himself non-stop for literally an hour. So I - with a strong sense of irony - said 'so what film role would you choose if you could have any?'. With complete passionate earnestness he responded 'James Bond. Every guy wants to be James Bond - fast cars, hot chicks, saving the world...'. (this guy went on to say that the pendulum has swung too far and now women get all the film roles and it is hard for men. Yeah. Sure.)

Oh and then there was the line 'You're cute, want to make out?'. Oh wait. That was me.

Tue Dec 12, 10:48:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think - maybe, I am developing a crush on Dr. Phil. This is a step on from Robert Hass in all the most terrible ways. Stupid Republicrim fool of a man. But indeed - if I saw him in a bar I would ask how tall he was.

(disclaimer: entire post given in jest. Adoration of Robert Hass persists.)

Nothing much else to say,

Tue Dec 12, 11:32:00 PM  
Blogger J E G said...

Hmmm man drought?????? Let me think??????? I dont know, let me go into 'observe society' mode for a bit and i'll get back to you, cos its not something i think about, however in my job, i must say there are about 2 women to 20 men but they are all absolute muppets, i mean i love alot of them but somewhat clues, bless them.....

Wed Dec 13, 05:49:00 AM  
Blogger Steph said...

Favourite line EVER, and I am ashamed to say I didn't act on it:

"You're hot. And not like a blanket".


Wed Dec 13, 10:15:00 AM  
Blogger Lotte said...

The party that Lou speaks of is surely the reason for the so-called Man Drought. Almost all 25 of those men were kiwis - the ones who got away?

Hello Bel, I like your blog


Wed Dec 13, 10:14:00 PM  
Blogger Bel said...

Hello Lotte - I like the comics you draw! Lou used to have them up on her wall :)

Thanks for the Man Drought clarification, y'all. I shall inform Stats NZ of where of all the blokes are at.

And do we agree at that "You're a large electric blanket - confirm precise dimensions and we shall mate..." is officially the best worst pick-up ever then??

Wed Dec 13, 10:52:00 PM  

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