coming to a screen near you, so near

I am a big fan of trailers and i recently found two amazing ones online. One is your conventional teaser trailer, and the other is, well, it isn't.

Joe gave me the heads-up on Hot Fuzz which is coming from the same people as Shaun of the Dead and the TV show Spaced. This is the second trailer actually, can't make the first one that was up work now, dang it. But it looks like it gonna be HILARIOUS and the other trailer showed that they obv had a much bigger component of the budget for, like, blowing shit up and car stunts and stuff. Awesome.

To take a completely different tone now, this video, hosted by Marie Claire magazine, is for a documentary called Thin. Directed by Lauren Greenfield, an established photographer, it has been described as "that rare film whose harrowing viewing experience is crucial to learning all it has to teach". Even the few minutes here are hard to watch, but mesmerising at the same time for their honesty.

There has been a lot of media coverage lately of the Madrid Fashion Week's decision to set a limit on what was an acceptable BMI, then the recent death of a Brazilian model who suffered from anorexia (Lou has covered these on her blog here and here).

While I do think that representations in the media have a huge effect on people's body image (and generally it seems to be women susceptible to this), I don't think solely the fashion industry can be held to blame for the epidemic of eating disorders in first world countries. The Bartlett recently posted a link to an interesting article, and while a lot of the big words kinda threw me, I did like what it had to say about disordered eating and the issue of control.
The post is referencing a book called A Return to Modesty and the blogger summarises it: "In short, Shalit appears to be saying that because our culture puts women's bodies on display and for male desire, values a certain kind of body, and discourages modesty, some girls react to this loss of control over their sexuality and over their bodies with a kind of self-controlling self-hatred."

The thing is, I never think its as simple as one thing or another. Watching that extract from Thin didn't make me any angrier that Kate Moss has just been named Model of the Year, it made me want to reach out on a personal level. Because that it where it is going to make a difference it seems. With the friend you know has a dark streak of self doubt inside them. To the colleague who might just need to be told that that shade of blue really suits them. Not letting the casual jokey fat comment slide but instead step the uncomfortable line of putting them in their place.

When I was 17 and first told my best friend that I was bulimic, I couldn't even use the word. Oh - I knew it and everything, I wasn't a 'tard, just cause I lived in Wanganui, sheesh.
But that was not the word I had in my mind to apply to what I was doing to myself. I told her I was just stressed and that this was the best way for me to deal with things at the moment. Can you believe that?! Stress?? Not like, yoga or going for a walk or hanging out with my boyfriend - I'd chosen throwing up my meals!! It shows how warped your perception gets and your grip on reality. There were other factors, but it was definitely that control thing - life was all over the place and this was one thing I could get a hold over.

But of course, really the demon had the hold over me. When you have convinced yourself there is no problem, it takes so much longer to come out from under it. I was very fortunate that I had strong relationships and a good counsellor and was held accountable for my actions - and stopped the physical patterns very quickly. But the mind set takes much longer, and that is where the real work is done. My personal opinion is that some women are in the psychology of an eating disorder, without manifesting it physically. Which is just as unhealthy and damaging.

The other week I bought New Woman magazine, solely because Melissa had told me you got a free Napoleon mascara with the issue - which you did! Score! I did a cusory flick through the glossy pages, feeling a wee twinge for cover girl Scarlett Johannsen based on the stories seeping out from her boyfriend's movie currently being shot in Auckland. One line in one article has stayed with me. It was about a woman who worked as a model in the 80s and suffered the worst of the industry, the classic glamour and beauty horror story.

She said that if you were a heroin addict and decided to come clean, it was relatively easy to stay out of those circles if you wanted to, ensure you didn't have access. But for someone who has food issues, there is no such respite. You can hardly avoid food or eating situations - in fact, that's kinda the whole damn problem. Your whole attitude has to change to be able to engage normally and your ability to cope with an everyday thing... well, in some cases, that has to start from scratch.

It reminded me of this thing that happened while I was still wrestling with everything. I'd arrived late at a sleepover with my girlfriends but had some chocolate brownie slice saved for me. I ate and then threw it up into my friend's bathroom sink. I felt terrible about it because I knew I was letting myself down and the people I'd been honest with about the trouble I was in. For years later I couldn't eat the stuff, even the smell was too much, it brought back every emotion of that night, hiding in that bathroom. Mum cooked some one time as a treat and I wouldn't touch it. When she said "Oh what's with you kids? I thought it tasted just like the bought stuff!", I simply burst into tears.

I guess what I'm trying to say here, is more than just that I think Hot Fuzz will be a great movie with car explosions and jokes as well as taking the piss out of over-serious cops.
I guess I'm saying look after your self. Look after each other. I am so grateful to the people who listened to me - and who didn't listen to me - and when you hear those nagging sad angry voices inside bringing you down, don't always push them away, aside. Think about what has brought it on. Talk to someone about it. Someone who loves you, someone with a bit of perspective, someone who knows what they're talking about it. And look in the mirror, and love what's there. Because you can.